Edgy warning😳👌 /

I know a lot of people, ive laughed with them and stuff but I still feel lonely, I talk to people but it feels like im a backup companion bro since like the end of elementary (6th for me) all the way to my grade (highschool now) Ive convinced myself that I dont actually need friends or mostly just others ( like a dont get too close type of thing ) (Edit: Ive thought about it before and i think its like, "what if they start disliking me? Well I never actually needed/liked them from the start" kind of thing) I know it sounds edgy but chill on me🥹✌️ Anyway I know its mostly my fault and im like self sabotaging because I havent put complete effort to change the way I think But there is a tiny part of me asking myself why I think like this Ok theres more but i need ti figure out the words im trying to say so ill stop here Ok bai