Im so jealous and I dont think I have the right to be..

Okay, so my cousin (Lets call her A) is amazing. I love her and shes like my little sister. But im so tired and jealous of seeing her push her dad away, get everything she wants, getting all the rewards and the praise all because she has support all around her. Dont get me wrong, im so proud. But im also super envious of everything she has. She pushes away her and and complains about him while im stuck with no dad because hes dead. Her mom gets mad and shes complaining but here I am woth a stressed single mom who I try to please and feel like im walking on eggshells around. I feel even worse about it because I actually have a great life. I have people around me who love me (I hope) and I have family who constantly spoil me (mainly through money and gifts though.). I know I should be happy with these things, but inside me theres this endless hole that needs to be filled. Anyway, back to the topic, so A basically does a lot of things. Top 1 of her class, a great swimmer, artistic and pretty. And to think, shes 6 years younger than me and getting all the attention, praise and concern. No one really asks what I do unless I bring it up and it hurts. Because to me, that means no one cares enough to get through to me. Everyone in my family is so closely bonded but I feel like and outsider looking in. A is also my closest cousin so theres always this envious feeling in my chest whether I like it or not. But we have this cousin who is about her age who lives a little farther and when shes around, their closer than ever and that puts me out of thw picture. My closer older cpusin on the other hand is 6 years older and he doesnt really care abt me. Hes going to college anyway. I think im talking too much and shifting to different topics too quickly so i'll just say it straight. Im tired of not being noticed or being genuinely close to someone.