I think i'm a pedophile but i'm scared of seeking professional help

Ever since i was fourteen, i always felt attracted to fictional characters that looked young, boys from video games/animes who were kids or looked like kids, that attraction never went away as i grew up, and now as an adult, i've started having intrusive thoughts about real children, being attracted to boys who are around 10-14 years old. I would never do anything towards a child but those thoughts disturbe me deeply. I live in a place where mental health is a extremely taboo topic, especially when it comes to paraphilias, i'm scared of opening up to anyone, including mental health professionals, i have seen many videos of therapists judging their patients online, psychologists judging people with the same disorder as me and i just can not bring myself to feel safe talking to anyone about this.