a member

I'm scared. I'm scared for myself, my future, my faith. I hate not knowing when things will happen. When will I die? I'm scared of the possibility that I could die today, tomorrow, next week. I'm scared that I might be alone for the rest of my life. What if I never reach my goals? What if I fail? I'm scared I'll have no one to talk to, no one to cry on, no one to depend on when life gets rough. I feel selfish thinking about this. I wish for a life with no pain, but that's impossible. When I'm happy, I hate knowing it won't last. When I'm sad I feel like it's better than happinest that wont last. I don't want to be this way, yet why do I feel guilty just because my feelings get seen and then ignored? Why do I text my friends about troubles and feel like an attention seeker? It's not their fault, really. They try their best to comfort me, but it's complicated. I don't know how or why, but I feel like what I feel isn't valid. I need someone to tell me it is, but I don't have a person to tell me so. Maybe that's why I'm scared. Because maybe someday, I won't have anyone to turn to.