Is it bad i want attention?

I've never had true friends, those people I can't even call friends since they would always talk about me make me feel embarrassed. Thats when I become a loner and started hating people. So I wohld always keep myself locked up in my room I mean I did try therapy but they just ended telling my mom about what I told them. So I started not trusting anyone. I'm so scared of rejection and failure that I don't even know what to do. Now I'm almost 18 and i realized i was craving that human attention from someone but whenever I try even with my family they'll just straight up ignore me, even my mom whenever I'm happy she just finds something i did wrong blame and shout me so it ends up ruining my day. I'm really scared to let people in I even become scared of talking to new people and before I started high school I was never like that I was out going and stuff now I can't even make a proper conversation wit someone because I'll end up reading to much in their actions and body language even when someone just sighs I stop talking completely. So I really want attention from someone who won't judge me or make me stop talking or just someone that makes me happy with out worrying If I'm doing to much. I honestly don't know what to do.