a member

My lecturer got mad at me today, looking down at me as I sat and looked up to her. There were accounting exercises on the board, and she noticed that I was the only who didn't do it. She asked, "why is your book closed?" in an impatient tone. I replied, "I simply couldn't catch up anymore, starting the previous week." Then she looked at me with irritation on her face. I gave up on attending classes the past week, there was no will within me whatsoever to wake up at 7 in the morning to get a certificate in a course I never wanted to do. I was so tired, I couldn't do anything I liked, all I could do was cry at the pitiful state I was in and my inability to keep up with lessons like everyone else. It's very much my fault for not attending classes anymore, and it's my fault for not wanting to participate in the exercise, but why am I so angry at the face she made? Why am I just so angry that I now have to continue working extra hard just to catch up to everyone else's average effort? I am just mad at her for speaking in that tone (I was sensitive like this since I was a child), but I'm especially angry at the fact that I might not even get my certificate if the lecturer gives me a failing grade. After bearing this pace for 6 months already, I am just too tired to put in so much effort into something I hate. I am angry at her and at this entire college bullshit. I have no one who'll understand. The guidance counselor I reached out to just kept saying, "I understand, I understand" but when I asked him how he relates to my situation, he said nothing and changed the topic. It just feels like this shitty situation will never end. I'm so sick of this, when will it end?